Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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