I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
