i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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