He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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