I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
