did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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