I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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