loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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