Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
