The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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