this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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