Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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