i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i love accidental penises.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
