Cold hands, warm shart.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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