I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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