This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
