No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
