I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
