I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
