YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
