hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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