some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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