I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
