I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Small penises have feelings too.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
