dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
