Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
