I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You've changed since you got that strap on
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
