Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
