i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can I color on your dick again?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
