Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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