I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
