Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
