i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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