but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
