i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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