My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
