Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
