I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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