I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
