Welp...herpes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
