well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
