I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
