Pants 0. Shit 1.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
