the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
