maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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