saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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