yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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