Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
