i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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