I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
