Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
