I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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