Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
