I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my poor anus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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